I remember as a child hearing someone very close to me say they did not date Black women because we were “too strong.” At the time, I did not fully understand what that meant. But as an adult woman and a mother to one, I hope my daughter grows up too strong. That moment became my quiet introduction to what womanhood would look like, especially as a Black woman. Strength was framed as a flaw. Fragility was rewarded. And men’s egos, I learned early, were something women were expected to protect at all costs.
As I grew older, the pattern became clearer. Be confident, but not intimidating. Be honest, but not loud. Be independent, but not too self assured. Love deeply, but never expect too much in return. For generations, women were taught that being a good wife meant being agreeable, accommodating, and self sacrificing. In many households, it meant being a maid, an enabler, and a doormat. And I have to be honest. From everything I witnessed growing up, there did not seem to be much joy in that life.
I heard stories from older women who lived in fear of their husbands. Stories of being beaten, cheated on, financially controlled, and emotionally neglected, yet staying because that was what love was supposed to look like. Endurance was romanticized. Survival was mistaken for loyalty.
Today, something is shifting.
Women are cracking a different code. Many are finding that they thrive more in their single lives. They are choosing themselves. A fast growing movement is women decentering men, meaning marriage, male validation, and motherhood are no longer the primary goals driving their lives. Instead, women are focused on financial freedom, travel, self care, health, pleasure, and personal fulfillment. They are booking flights instead of forcing connections. Pouring into their bodies, their minds, and their bank accounts. And when women are fully invested in themselves, the hunger for constant male attention begins to fade.
Naturally, this shift has not gone unnoticed. From endless scrolling, I see more men expressing frustration with today’s dating pool. Complaints that women only want material things, free meals, or surface level experiences. That women no longer care to connect. What many fail to realize is that women did not wake up one day and decide to disengage. They grew tired. Tired of shrinking themselves to preserve fragile egos. Tired of being asked to give endlessly while receiving very little in return. After a while, belittlement becomes the foundation of too many relationships.
There is a deep imbalance in how society treats genders, and more often than not, women bear the heavier burden. The expectations are relentless. Do not be too strong. Do not be too bold. Do not speak your mind. Have children. Get married. Dress appropriately. Work through pregnancy. Heal quietly. Smile through exhaustion. Be nurturing. Cook. Clean. Look good. Stay desirable. Show up no matter how depleted you are.
Yet accountability from men remains rare. Protection is often conditional. Growth is optional. Responsibility is deflected. Instead, we get endless debates about equality split down the middle, while women continue to carry the emotional, physical, and societal weight.
So yes, seeing women embrace the act of decentering men makes me proud. And yes, some women are angry. But anger does not appear in a vacuum. There is almost always a story behind it. A betrayal. A disappointment. A pattern of being undervalued. Empathy would go much further than judgment.
I believe women deserve to be poured into. And I no longer want them waiting for men to decide when they are worthy of that care. My daughter is one year old, and like every mother, I ask myself what I want to protect her from. If I had to choose one thing, it would be the belief that her life should revolve around a man.
I centered men once as a teenager, and if I could take that time back, I would. I would explore more. Dream louder. Live freely. The goal should always be your higher self. Society quietly conditions women to chase men, but that narrative is overdue for retirement. We are human beings with one life to live. Live it fully. Live it intentionally. Live it for you.
And if someone chooses to enter your world, let it be someone who loves everything that makes you strong, and who adds to your planet rather than draining it.
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